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The Energy of You Volume XX Issue #27

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Hi Reader,

A few years ago, I was working with a client who'd spent the better part of a decade trying to "find her purpose." She'd taken career assessments, worked with multiple coaches, and even left a stable job to pursue what she thought was her calling, only to find herself more confused than ever.

Her voice carried that mix of longing and frustration I know so well, because I’ve heard it from countless women in my coaching and healing work, and I’ve felt it myself.

During one of our sessions, as we were doing some breathwork, I asked her to simply notice what felt expansive in her body when she thought about different activities. Not what she should do or what would look impressive on Instagram, but what actually made her heart open, her shoulders drop and her energy flow.

"Teaching my daughter to bake," she said quietly. "Helping my neighbor with her garden. The way I organize community potlucks." She paused. "But those aren't... purposeful enough, are they?"

That conversation shifted everything for her. It highlighted something I'd been noticing in my work: the relentless pursuit of a singular life purpose was creating more anxiety than clarity. And more importantly, it was causing people to dismiss the meaningful moments already woven throughout their days.

We’ve been told our whole lives that we’re supposed to find our purpose, like it’s a missing set of keys that will unlock happiness, fulfillment, and the meaning of life. The self-help shelves are stacked with books promising to reveal it. Podcasts urge us to “step into” it. Social media feeds are filled with people who seem to have theirs neatly sorted out.

It’s inspiring… until it’s not.

For many women, especially in midlife and later, the “find your one big purpose” narrative becomes a heavy weight. Instead of motivating, it leaves us feeling stuck, “behind,” or as if we’ve missed the boat entirely. Swirling in that pressure, we can miss something essential: you don’t need to pin down a single grand mission to live a deeply meaningful life.

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The Problem with Purpose Pressure

If you've spent any time on social media or in personal development spaces, you've encountered it: the pressure to identify your one true calling. The idea that somewhere out there is your perfect purpose, waiting to be discovered like a genie in a lantern waiting to rubbed and grant all your wishes.

Purpose pressure sounds like this:

• “I just need to figure out what I’m meant to do.”
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• “I feel like everyone else knows their path but me.”
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• “What if it’s too late to find mine?”
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With this mindset, purpose becomes a fixed point on the horizon, you either reach it or you don’t. That can be paralyzing. It’s also misleading.

We're told that our purpose should be singular and unchanging, immediately recognizable once discovered, aligned with career success, and meaningful enough to justify our entire existence. That's a lot of pressure for any one thing to hold.

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The truth is, purpose isn't just one thing. It can change with seasons of life, evolve with our priorities, and express itself in dozens of ways big and small. Sometimes the insistence on finding “the” purpose actually keeps us from engaging with what’s meaningful in the present moment.

I've watched brilliant, caring people get stuck in analysis paralysis, constantly questioning whether they're on the "right" path. They discount acts of kindness, moments of creative expression, or simple connections with others because these don't feel "purposeful" enough based on some external standard they've internalized.

Engaging with what’s meaningful is purposeful.

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What if We've Been Looking in the Wrong Direction?

Here’s the shift that can change everything: swap purpose for values.

Your values are your personal North Star, the principles that guide how you want to live, work, and connect. They’re not dependent on a job title, role, or project. They’re part of you.

Where purpose can feel elusive, values are accessible. You can name them, feel them, and live by them.

They're the fundamental principles that guide your decisions and behaviors.They’re not abstract destinations, but ways of moving through the world that feel authentic to who you are.

Here's what I love about a values-based approach: it's flexible, immediate, and authentic. Let’s say your top values include connection, creativity, and contribution. Those can show up in hundreds of ways:

• Connection might be listening deeply to a friend over lunch, mentoring a younger colleague, or volunteering at the local food bank.
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• Creativity could mean painting, gardening, reimagining your living space, or as a friend pointed out to me recently whipping up a new meal in the kitchen.
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• Contribution might be donating your skills, raising awareness for a cause, or offering kindness in everyday interactions.( the world can always use a little more kindness)
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Living by values takes the pressure off finding “the thing” and puts the focus on being who you want to be consistently and intentionally. (see this post for more information on values )

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How Mind-Body Awareness Shifts the Game

Here’s where mind-body work intersects beautifully with values alignment: your body is constantly giving you feedback about whether something feels true for you.

When you’re aligned, there’s often a sense of ease, expansion, or groundedness in the body. When you’re not, you might feel tension in your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, or a subtle heaviness you can’t quite name.

The mind-body connection is an incredible compass. Practices like breathwork, body scanning, and intuitive journaling help you tune into those cues so you can navigate choices with more clarity and confidence.

Three mind-body techniques that support living by values:

1. Breathwork for Clarity – A few minutes of slow, conscious breathing calms your nervous system, creating space to think clearly instead of reacting from stress or habit.
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2. Body Scanning for Alignment – Gently bring awareness from head to toe, noticing sensations without judgment. When faced with a decision, ask: “Does my body feel open or contracted?” (for more info on Body Triggers go here)
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3. Post-Meditation Journaling – After a short meditation, write whatever comes up. Often, your inner wisdom has been whispering and in this liminal space wisdom bubbles up.

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Common Values and How They Show Up

While values are deeply personal, I've noticed some common ones that emerge in my work with clients:

Connection might show up as prioritizing relationships, creating community, or simply being fully present with the people in your life. That friend who really listens, likely has a value of connection.

Growth could manifest as embracing learning, seeking new challenges, or supporting others in their development. Your colleague that is always learning new things likely has a value of growth.

Creativity might express itself through art, problem-solving, or bringing beauty into everyday moments. Your cousin who dresses in bright, playful clothing probably has a value around creativity.

Service could look like formal volunteering or the way you show up for your family and neighbors. The way your neighbor organizes the neighborhood community garden likely has a value of service.

There are no “right” values, it's identifying which ones resonate most strongly with you and finding ways to honor them in your life.

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Moving Forward Without the Pressure

Remember my client who thought baking with her daughter wasn't "purposeful" enough? She's now teaching cooking classes for families in her community, combining her love of food with her value of connection and value of service. As her awareness and alignment increase she’s recognizing the meaning that was already present in her life and creating intentional expressions of it.

The shift from purpose pressure to values-based living isn't about lowering your standards or settling for less. It's a deep knowing that meaning often isn’t grand or visible, and definitely not an Instagram moment. It's about trusting your inner guidance , and living aligned with your authentic values. I think this is perhaps the most purposeful thing you can do.

I would love if you dropped me a note to tell me what your top three values are.

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Be Inspired,

Cathy

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P.S. I've been working on a course on Mind-Body Medicine to support longevity for women to start in the fall (click here if you want to be on the early notification list).

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